What Does It Mean To Be A Chef?

What does it mean to be a chef? I mean, what does it really mean? Not the Webster’s definition, but what does it mean to you, your life? What happens?

I spent a good chunk of my life cooking professionally, working my way up the ladder. I went the long way, for certain, but after years of working and learning I was finally an honest-to-goodness chef.

And it turns out that it wasn’t what I wanted at all.

Now, as I’ve said before and I’ll say again, I love the restaurant and hospitality industry. I think that cooks and chefs, servers and hosts, bartenders and sommeliers are all amazing. This isn’t easy work, even if you love it, and I do.

So, how can I just attempt to walk away from something I love and that I’ve been chasing for most of my adult life? Well, I’m going to tell you what it really means to be a chef.

This is in no way meant to scare anyone away. I think being a professional chef is a great career. You learn so many valuable skills, not just cooking, but people and time management, grit, punctuality and self-reliance, to name a few. The job makes you a strong, confident, organized and dedicated person. But, it’s not for everyone.

If what you read here scares you off or makes you think twice, then maybe you’re not ready to dedicate your life to kitchens. Maybe you shouldn’t open your own spot. And that’s okay. There are too many restaurants already, as we’re seeing. Better you realize that now before you put that second mortgage on your house. 

So, what do you need to know? What’s the real nitty-gritty? What do you have to look forward to if you decide that, yeah, I’m dedicated and this is what I want?

Well, lemme tell you:

The Job Is All-Encompassing

If you want to be a chef, I mean really be a chef, then the restaurant becomes your whole life. Especially if it’s your restaurant. Say goodbye to the Monday-to-Friday life. So long eight hour shifts with a lunch break and two fifteens. Adios weekend plans.

You’ll have to get used to working evenings, weekends and holidays. You’ll have to cozy up to the idea of working for 10, 12, heck maybe even 14 hours a day. A lot of those hours, if not all of them, are spent on your feet. It can wear you out.

As a cook, your station is your baby. Move up to sous-chef; now the whole kitchen is your baby. And if you’re chef? Well, the whole damn restaurant is your baby. Babies need constant attention. Babies aren’t a 9-5 gig. You don’t get a normal life when you work in a restaurant. When others play, you work. When others sleep, you play. And when others work, you sleep. Which brings us to…

It Can Be A Lonely Life

Even though you’re working all the time and surrounded by people, the life of a cook or a chef can be a lonely one. I started into the industry right out of high school. I had a group of friends and I thought we were inseparable. Heck, I lived with one of my best buddies and our apartment was the spot. But, as I got more and more serious about restaurant work and being a professional cook, I saw less and less of those people. I was absent from birthdays and long-weekend barbeques. Evening and weekend plans were made without me. And when I was free on a Tuesday afternoon, no one else was.

Now, I know that as you get older, people grow apart. But you have to realize this if you get into the industry: you will lose touch with people outside of it. Family and friends alike. Sometimes they’ll understand, but life will go on without you.

So, likely you will start hanging out with restaurant people, as I did. I’ve met some of the most wonderful people in this industry. People who are so passionate about amazing food and wine, people who are so dedicated to their craft, whether it be cocktails, bread, fermentation or pastry. I’ve made lifelong and lasting friendships thanks to being a cook and the camaraderie runs deep. Being stuck in a tiny kitchen all day, sweaty and cramped, forges some unbreakable bonds.

Then when you become chef? Things change again. You have to be the boss first and the buddy a distant second. That was hard for me. I want to be liked, that’s just the type of person I am. I have trouble being a heavy. At my core, I expect people to do the right thing.

You have to be able to set yourself apart from the rest of the crew to be an effective boss. This doesn’t mean you can’t be likeable or friendly. You can be friends with your cooks, but inside work? You have to be the boss. Because it’s all on you. That’s a lot, and it can be hard not to take it home with you.

Your Relationships Can Suffer

Everyone has stress at work, and it can be hard to leave it at the office. Cooks and chefs are a passionate bunch, and something that happened at work can haunt us for hours and days afterwards. Restaurant work is constantly busy, there’s no putting things off until closer to the deadline. You have just a little less time than you need to complete your tasks each day, so there’s no dallying. It’s a full mind and body crush most days.

Stress, exhaustion, poor nutrition and burnout take their toll. I’ve often come home cranky and short, unable to pay attention even after I ask Liz how her day was. Now, I’m very lucky that Liz is the most patient and understanding person I’ve ever met, because restaurant work entrenches you firmly in your own head.

You wake up mentally planning your day. You leave for work reciting your prep list and order of operations in your mind. Then, you come home thinking about the service you just had and all the shit you have to do tomorrow. Doesn’t leave a lot of headspace for loving, honouring and appreciating your significant other.

It’s Just Plain Exhausting

If you haven’t figured it out by now, the work and lifestyle are exhausting. You don’t sleep enough. You work all the time. The pay isn’t that great. You don’t eat well or on a regular schedule. Substance abuse becomes normal, whether it be alcohol or drugs, to wake up, to sleep, to function. While this isn’t the case everywhere, it can be all too common.

Since you’re not seeing your old 9-5 friends or family, you’re hanging out with your industry buddies. And since you’re getting off work so late, all there is to do is drink and party. If you choose not to, it can feel isolating. Isolation on top of isolation can be too much to bear.

You’re sleeping until 3 on your days off. You haven’t exercised in months. Unless you’re at work or visiting a friend’s restaurant for your one fancy meal a month, you’re living off McDonald’s and Popeye’s. You’re constantly hungover or drunk.

Too bleak? How can I say I love this business and then talk about it like this? Because, unfortunately it can be the truth. I’ve seen it go down like this a hundred times. It went down like this for me. Pretending it doesn’t happen is not going to help anyone.

All I’m saying is, be sure. You can get so much out of this industry. You’ll meet amazing, passionate people. You’ll develop a skillset that’s sure to impress and delight. You’re creating and putting good out into the world. Don’t let the dark parts of it swallow you up.

Luckily, things are definitely changing for the better. More and more focus is being put on wellness for restaurant employees than ever before. When we all get back to work, we can hopefully look forward to that trend continuing. Shorter weeks, access to health benefits, wellness counseling and peer-to-peer coaching are becoming more and more prevalent. These things are key, you have to take care of yourself to offer hospitality to others.

Bottom line: Being a cook/chef is the greatest, hardest, most rewarding, most frustrating job in the world. Everybody should work in hospitality at least once in their life. Just don’t let it get the better of you.